#11 - Marabou Japp HazelNut

It is a sad fact that ignorance and bigotry are given free rein while reason and understanding are shackled to truth. That is probably not how one would typically begin a candy review, but there it is.

Political correctness aims to remedy the bigotry part, generally with ineffectiveness (I'm reminded of old cartoons, where the hapless hero is in a leaky boat, covering one leak with a finger, hand, or foot, only to find another leak spring up), and often enough going a step (or several) too far with ridiculous results. You can't force a hateful person to respect others any more than you can stop internal bleeding with a Band-Aid.

That being said, I do think we all need to be more respectful of others (particularly those we may not like for one irrational reason or another), because, really, respect says a lot more about the giver than the receiver.

Whew. Heavy stuff.

There are plenty of instances where offenses are legitimate. On the other side of the coin, we have imagined offenses due to ignorance. It is for this reason that you're not likely to find today's candy making a big splash in America, as it is Marabou's Japp HazelNut:

Perhaps the most affirmative candy you'll ever come across (with hazelnut).

Now, one might see this Swedish treat and think that Sweden is being culturally insensitive. After all, it wouldn't be the first product with a questionable name (Cherikee Red comes to mind). But there are no such shenanigans going on here. Most English speakers (I assume; I have not interviewed them all and taken a count) do not realize that the letter 'j' was originally just a form of 'i', and a good deal of languages still give it the sound of a 'y'.

In other words, it is pronounced more like "Yapp," and translates to "Yep," which may be just as offensive in its stupidity. I think "Would you like a Yep candy bar?" is bound to be followed by a "Nope." Even with the hazelnut.

Aside from the lameness of the name, the package has a pleasant design. The gold wrapper appeals to the greed flowing from deep within the heart of every consumer, and the artist's rendition of the candy shows some talent. Bad graphics of sweets are a surefire way to curb one's appetite. It's not the best wrapper design I've seen, but, all in all, a commendable job.

I've gotten used to ingredient lists making me feel stupid.

A quick glance is enough to let me know that my foreign language skills have failed me once again. I see percentages, so I know there's 50% of something, and I assume the 20% of hasselnötter refers to hazelnut (then again, it may nöt), but that's little to go on. At least the "best before" date is legible, and well into the future.

This amusing commercial would seem to indicate that the Japp HazelNut is meant to be an energy bar. Normally that would scare me, but I believe the Power Break 3 shared that intention, and that ended up being quite good, so I won't give up on Marabou just yet. To further its case, Marabou is owned by Mondelēz International, Inc. (formerly Kraft Foods Inc.), which has proven to put out some decent candy. Things are looking up!

While the ingredients still mostly elude me, I feel I should be able to read the nutritional information easily enough:

Chock full of energy! Or is that fat?

There are 155 Calories per 30g, and the package is 60g, so it is a total of 310 Calories. That's quite a bit for the size, but I guess that's where all the "energy" comes from, right? Why do they give the information for 30g rather than 60g? My guess is that (as seems to be common in my experience with Nordic candy), the "bar" is actually two sections. Either that, or I've got a broken candy bar, as a definite split can be felt in the package.

Did I receive damaged goods? Thankfully, no.

In America, this would be "fun size." I think
that's an ironic term.

The Japp HazelNut does indeed come in two pieces, each generously sized with a traditional candy bar look to it. Looks-wise it would make a decent brick for a small house built of candy, though it would likely be lacking in structural integrity. Maybe the hazelnut would reinforce it. If you decide to make a go of it and build a house with Japp HazelNuts, let me know how it turns out. Thanks.

If my nose is any indication, the chocolate seems to be of a lesser quality; the way in which it cracks gives further cause for concern. However, in the end it's the taste that matters, and it does okay in that department. I don't think the chocolate is quite up to snuff, but the hazelnut is an interesting addition (the taste of it lingers when all the other flavors fade). My wife sampled one of the pieces and concluded it was like an inferior Ferrero Rocher. It wasn't bad; it just didn't live up to its potential. If you are a teacher with an underachieving student, you surely understand the frustration involved.

I wouldn't exactly recommend going out of your way to pick up a Japp HazelNut, but if you're a big fan of hazelnut and are in the mood for an okay candy, knock yourself out. I won't stop you. I did enjoy it and would certainly eat one again, but there are plenty of superior candies that would call to my hard-earned (hyperbole intended) money first, even without a gold wrapper.

Marabou Japp HazelNut gets a 2 from me. It's your "average student" sort of candy.

Still, show it some respect; it'll be good practice.

Respectfully yours,
The Sweets Fiend

This does not do the package artwork justice.