#32 - Orion King Jelly

When I was a mere child (considering I'm writing a blog about candy, I most likely am still a mere child, mentally), I read the book "How to Eat Fried Worms," by Thomas Rockwell, wherein one boy challenges another to eat fifteen worms in as many days. I think I enjoyed it well enough, though I don't remember too many of the details. Regardless, it has maintained a degree of popularity through several decades (even inspiring a movie of the same name). This is probably due to the fact that there is a certain intrigue to "icky" things, and worms and other creepy-crawly creatures are generally viewed with disgust in the good ol' United States of America, despite being a culinary staple in much of the rest of the planet (then again, there are reasons to not ingest worms (or trust witches, for that matter)).

Considering the "gross out" factor and worms' natural gummy consistency (I would guess; I haven't tried one, myself), it was only a matter of time (1981, if my sources are correct) before candy companies put two and two (or, in this case, one and one) together and began producing gummy worms. Today, they are a popular item, not just for eating, but for enhancing the visual appeal of lighthearted desserts, and it should come as no surprise that there are now a plethora of companies worldwide offering their own version of the wriggly treats.

 Today's candy is just one example: Orion King Jelly!

Packaging done to perfection. Nestlé, take note, please!

Upon handing me this product, my candy procurer explained "I don't know what this is, but I think there's a king worm and other worms," or something to that effect. Though I was impressed by her ability to draw conclusions from the colorful artwork (and suspected she might even be right), her theories have not always panned (or should I say panda-ed?) out, so I wasn't entirely sure what to anticipate. For all I knew, there could be honest-to-goodness worms inside.

And I wouldn't even be winning a bet by eating them. Candy blogging is a thankless endeavor.

Mysteries aside, the packaging is brilliantly done. The bright colors, the lustrous material, and the comical art style all work together to make the tiny bag of worms an enticing prospect. That is no small feat, and Orion should be applauded for their efforts; they've really hit this one out of the park!

A closer examination reveals a possible backstory: is this a kingdom of space worms (one of whom is either hypnotized or drunk; such a rich plot!) intent on claiming Earth as their own? There is definitely a vibe containing both military and galactic elements, so it's quite possible. I've mentioned once or twice before my thoughts on personifying things one is meant to consume, but if we are at war, that's an entirely different matter. Once again (assuming I'm correct), Orion has exhibited a wisdom not often possessed by candy manufacturers. Defend my planet by eating candy? Sign me up!

Additionally, Orion has made the bold decision to display the nutrition facts on the front of the package:

King Jelly lacks a great many things I cannot comprehend.

As Korean is not one of the languages I am capable of reading (to be fair, anything other than English fits that description), the panel is of limited use to me, although I can deduce the Calorie count (152 for the whole baggy) and guess (based on my vast knowledge of gummy candy nutritional information) that the 8g and 6g probably refer to carbohydrates and sugars, respectively. That's pretty much on par with competing products, so, unless I've made a fatal error in my assumptions (for instance, if the product is real earthworms or related creatures), everything's looking just as it should.

What could go wrong?

My failure expressed numerically.

That question can be answered with a quick glance at the "best before" date on the back of the package (which is thankfully conspicuous and easy to read and might even include the precise time the candy was created).

I have missed the date by more than three months. That is an unacceptable error on my part. Of course, I don't know what the extra "1" is in the date, but I doubt that makes things any better. However, as the given dates are simply general guidelines, my King Jelly may still be just fine; Orion's done so well up to this point that I suspect their recommendation is a bit on the conservative side.

Thus, the review continues...

If you can read this, I envy you.

I like a product that adds a little color (both literally and figuratively) to the description or instructions (if instructions are needed). King Jelly does not disappoint!

I've no clue what is being explained (though I'm now very much convinced the soldier worm is drunk and the aviator character is an inch worm), but it sure seems entertaining!

There is also a small panel which I'm pretty sure is dedicated to proper storage conditions (unless it refers to optimal worm eating temperature, but that would just be silly). 30ºC translates to 86ºF (thought I'd do that calculation for you; you're welcome), and this summer's been particularly warm, but I've tried to keep my house at a reasonable temperature (if you don't believe me, just ask my electric bill), so I think I should be okay. I'd hate to have made two tragic mistakes on one candy.

But let's not dwell on my blunders; we have an ingredients list to get to:

I've had dreams (or were they nightmares?) like this.

At least I think it's the ingredients list. I'm skeptical that even a full-blooded Korean could make sense of it all. We have the strangely precise "11.3668%" marking (I'd love to learn what that refers to), a phone number (or two), and a "1399" with no discernible (to me, anyway) unit of measurement. There are other hidden gems if one looks long enough, but all in all it is a total enigma to my ignorant eyes, and I can make no worthwhile comment regarding it (I suppose that hasn't stopped me before).

But the main takeaway is that I still don't know whether or not I'm about to eat real worms.

Thus, the moment of truth has arrived, and I have no choice but to open the beautiful shiny package and release what lies within...

If we were at war, I think I know who won.

And my greatest fears have been realized. No, there were no actual earthworms (or inch worms, for that matter) inside, but I clearly dropped the ball when it came to storage.

I still have doubts about the temperatures reached in my sweets stash, but somewhere along the line something obviously went very wrong. I have witnessed some rather horrendous candy accidents in my day, but this takes the cake (I do love cake); it is a mangled mess (I should have seen the foreshadowing in the ingredients list) of gumminess the likes of which humanity has never known.

It's terribly unfortunate, too, as a quick Google search reveals that King Jelly worms are made with a variety of molds a step above the competition. Orion takes its gummy worms very seriously, and it shows. I feel I need to offer my sincerest apologies to Orion founder Lee Yang-gu ("a man we feel greater as time flows") for my wrongdoings.

Now, at this point one might think it unfair to carry on any further with the review. Expired, overheated candy hardly seems a legitimate representative of a product. But the smell was normal and the consistency seemed on point, so carry on I did, vowing to not let my missteps skew my rating.

How was it, you ask?

Despite all the circumstances working against it, I quite enjoyed King Jelly. I'm not big into gummy candies, but I felt the gelatinous jumble of worms was pleasantly flavorful, well above average in taste. My wife disagreed, making a face and claiming it tasted like a Christmas tree (as if that would be a bad thing), but she only had a small piece from the edge (which may not have accurately portrayed the flavor profile), so you may take her judgment with a grain of salt.

In the end, though, gummy worms (and gummy candy in general) just aren't my thing, and even a wildly successful execution is not enough to convince me otherwise. I just don't appreciate the way it makes my mouth feel, and "mouth feel" is a vital component to satisfaction in any comestible.

Therefore, I rate Orion King Jelly a 2 (albeit a high 2). Aside from a desire to see the worms as they were meant to be, I feel no sense of longing for another package. This is in no way a criticism against Orion; quite frankly, I honestly believe they've hit the mark in all areas and have really raised the bar in the gummy candy world (one might even say this product is "out of this world," if one wanted to reference the purported space theme). The product simply isn't my cup of tea (and I'm not much of a tea drinker in the first place).

But if you ARE a fan of gummy candy (or even just worms, you weirdo), I highly recommend Orion King Jelly. In a world with no shortage of mediocre sweets, it is our duty to support those who aim for excellence.

So do your part in the Space Worm War and give King Jelly a try.

Just be sure to store it in a cool, dry place.

Skulking in the shadows of shame,
The Sweets Fiend

Really, this is a more convenient way to eat gummy worms.