#37 - Hershey's Candy Corn Bar

With the approach of every holiday, I can't help but drool in anticipation of the seasonal selection of sweets announcing its arrival. Sure, the majority of it is subpar at best (eaten only when all better treats have been consumed), but there are the inevitable winners among the dross, whether they be deliciously unique products, temporary new shapes or flavors for old favorites, or a simple repackaging (notable only for the hefty markdowns seen afterwards).

Then there are those sweets that, while available all year, see a surge in popularity during a particular holiday. One such example is candy corn, which, despite being on pretty much every "worst Halloween candy" list I've ever seen, finds itself in candy dishes across the country when October rolls around (Halloween accounts for about 75% of the twenty million pounds in annual candy corn sales). I think it's a combination of the autumn-appropriate color scheme and resemblance to monster teeth; its usage seems to lean toward decorative as much as (if not more so than) ingestive. Rumors even suggest that, every year, a considerable portion of candy corn is discarded in the trash once the season is over, because people just don't like it.

That's what I hear, anyway.

Me, I like the stuff. I have been referred to as a candy corn connoisseur, and one of my proudest moments in life has been single-handedly finishing off a five-pound bag of the sugary bits (the key is pacing oneself; eat too much at once and the flavor mutates into something less palatable). Therefore, I would think I should be more than qualified to review a candy corn inspired take on a classic (and a few days after Halloween, no less; it's all coming together now), no?

And so I present to you the Hershey's Candy Corn bar:

Mediocre chocolate company + candy nobody likes = ?

You may have heard of Hershey's before.

Hershey's is a colossal candy company (it even has its own community) that has, in its more-than-a-hundred years of existence, become the dominant force in the North American chocolate manufacturing industry (selling in dozens of nations worldwide, to boot), with a variety of beloved products.

This is, in and of itself, quite a feat, but it becomes all the more remarkable when one considers that, to be brutally honest, their chocolate is just one step (maybe two if I'm being nice) above the bargain-basement type found in the cheapest of candies. I have seriously heard it described, on two separate occasions, by two people who do not know each other, as "wax painted brown." Or, to borrow an expression my wife might use, "It's good because it's chocolate, but it's not good for chocolate."

But they have no intentions of letting something so trivial as inferior chocolate get in their way. No siree! And now they've thrown their hat(s?) into the candy corn ring.

I'm not sure how I feel about that, but I suppose their attempt deserves a fair shot, and I'm nothing if not fair (well, maybe I'm lazy).

Okay, then. The packaging is simple, but effective, as one might expect from a company with Hershey's resources. They've made a wise decision in keeping the flashy hues to a minimum, bringing a tad more sophistication than candy corn is accustomed to. The bar and candy corn graphics are totally appropriate, and the overall appearance is, in a word, successful . Designing a package for a product such as this is an extremely tall order, and the artists at Hershey's have passed with flying colors (yellow and orange, to be specific). Well done, all around!

I may frame this and keep it on my wall.

This being a product of the U.S.A. and all, there were no surprises to be found in the "best before" section; it was not only clear (even with the abbreviation), but also encouraging, as my bar was months from going bad.

Devoted readers of this blog (hi, Mom!) know I do not always get to my reviews in a timely manner. Thus, it is always a relief to find I've not let another precious sweet into the wicked hands of Time (no, not THAT Time).

After a well-earned pat on my back (hold your applause, please), I decided to see what Hershey's had in store for me nutritionally.

The information was on the back of the package, partially hidden by the wrapper's flap (not to be confused with a flapper's wrap).

All the nourishment candy corn can provide, now in bar form!

I don't think anyone was expecting a candy corn creme bar to be the pathway to health (which is more than I can say for the Sportlunch), and it clearly is not. At least it has a bit of protein, I guess (and is low in cholesterol and sodium). And hopefully its lack of any real nutritional value bodes well for the flavor; tastiness and healthiness are not necessarily inversely correlated, but one can still hope, right?

Oh, and though it can't easily be discerned from the picture (as the panel wraps around the edge), the calcium is listed as "8%." I doubt that would change one's opinion of the product one way or another, but I'd be remiss not to mention it.

Perhaps a perusal of the ingredients list (also beneath the flap and running off the bottom of the bar) would shed more light on the situation:

WARNING: THIS PACKAGE MAY CONTAIN...

Well, that's certainly a list. I apologize for the allergen warning being cut off (the package certainly leaves one in suspense). Just assume that if you have allergies you probably shouldn't eat it. That'd likely be for the best even if you do not have allergies.

Carnauba wax (painted brown?) may be a familiar, if frightening-sounding ingredient. Less familiar (but even more frightening) may be "resinous glaze," which is described in the most appetizing way here. Combine that with such horrifying terms as "tocopherols" and "PGPR," and one has the makings for a terrifying Halloween tale.

Also of note are the colored circles above the list. I've found them to be quite common on packages originating in the United States, but not so much on imports. If you've ever suspected there to be a thrilling secret behind them (such as distracting one from the inclusion of resinous glaze), the (SPOILER ALERT!) answer  might disappoint you. So don't worry about them, okay?

Besides, it's time to unveil the Hershey's Candy Corn bar in all its glory!

Or something like that.

Look at me when I'm talking to you!

Peeling away the wrapper (following the helpful "lift and pull here" instructions), I was greeted by the backside of the bar (and an almost overwhelming aroma my wife described as "a bakery on steroids"). This never leads to a desirable first impression (especially given the appearance of the candy corn "pimples"), but it seems to be a problem unsolvable by the collective minds of the world's chocolatiers; even the best of bars suffer this fate.

It's a pity, too, as the face of the Candy Corn bar isn't too shabby; the Hershey's logo is delightfully imprinted on each breakable section, and there the "pimply" bits are not so unsightly.

Is it the best candy bar I've ever seen? No. But it's fine job, nonetheless. Hershey's knows how to put on a show.


Still, the real question is how it tastes.

It brings me great joy to say it tasted very much like it smelled! While I struggled to find any sort of recognizable candy corn flavoring, there was no denying that if an entire bakery's worth of sugary treats could take steroids and then be compressed into a single bar, the result would be Hershey's Candy Corn bar (my wife can be very perceptive at times).

Really, it reminded me of grabbing a spoon and eating an excessively sweet frosting (Funfetti®, for instance) right out of the container. If that does not sound pleasant to you, you may wish to keep your distance; it is almost overpowering.

But as much as I enjoyed it, I could not help feeling that, for all its sweetness, it lacked substance. Yes, I was fond of the sugary intensity, but there was no depth to it, and I can't imagine feeling the draw to purchase another bar.

I therefore rate Hershey's Candy Corn bar an average 2. I liked it, I really did. But I feel I've already experienced all it has to offer. That doesn't mean I wouldn't gladly eat another one; I just wouldn't gladly pay to do it. And, no matter what it's called, it would in no way satisfy one's need for candy corn.

Not at all.

So if you're looking for an ultra sweet bar with unfulfilled promises, you might want to give Hershey's Candy Corn bar a try.

But if you're looking for candy corn, just eat some candy corn (or even make it yourself, if you're one of those crazy do-it-yourself types).

I won't tell.

Crashing from a sugar rush on steroids,
The Sweets Fiend

I can see more candy corn here than I tasted.