As I am The Sweets Fiend, it should come as no surprise that I loved Halloween as a child. When the days grew shorter and the trees shed their golden vestments, my sweet tooth nearly rattled with anticipation... candy would soon be mine!
Some might even argue that the entire purpose of this blog is to continue the tradition of receiving free candy (minus the costumes and legwork). Who's to say (well me, but I'm keeping my mouth shut)?
Combing the neighborhood in a possibly uncomfortable costume was a small price to pay for complimentary sugary goodies. In fact, the more uncomfortable the costume, the better; it provided the illusion that I actually earned the candy. I would sit poring over the evening's haul, my feet sore and my head a sweaty mess, proud of all the hard work that went into knocking on doors and exclaiming "Trick or treat!" Ah, the delusions of youth (much more fun than delusions of adulthood)!
Like all holidays, Halloween has become more and more commercialized over the years, to the point where any original significance is overlooked in favor of dressing up and watching scary movies and eating loads of candy (my favorite part). Little thought is given to the fact that it is also known as All Hallows' Eve, which initiates Allhallowtide, the three-day celebration of remembering of the dead.
Even so, I appreciate the fact that Halloween brings communities together like no other modern holiday. After all, what other day involves visiting all of your neighbors (even if done in disguise)? A common illustration of the friendliness of people in days of yore involves one neighbor asking another for a cup of sugar. Halloween is that times 1,000.
Of course, Halloween is not the only celebration of the dead. It is well known, for instance, that our very own (slightly fatter) neighbor to the south, Mexico, celebrates the Day of the Dead (Día de Muertos). The United States has not yet managed to fully commercialize that holiday, but you can bet your bottom dollar we're working on it! I know that I have personally been seeing more and more merchandise with a Día de Muertos theme as of late, most of which was likely made in China.
But I guess some of it could have been made in Mexico. My last car was assembled in Mexico, so I know the country exports more than just people. As a matter of fact, I have within my possession at this very moment a product of Mexican origin: Usher Chili Mango Twisted Bongos!
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| Cobwebs added for effect. As a general rule, you should not buy candy covered in cobwebs. |
This marks my first trip into the world of Mexican candy. I don't recall Mexico being a major force in the American candy market during my lifetime. With ideas like chili mango flavored licorice, I can't imagine why. Maybe it has something to do with the risk of lead poisoning or something.
Anyhow, as much as I do enjoy living on the edge with a diet full of lead-based delicacies, I decided to play it safe this time around and leave the initial inspection to my tried and true robot, TCR-FRESHY 5000 (he skipped a Halloween party for this but insisted on still wearing his costume). I sometimes don't know what I'd do without that little trash heap of aluminum.
The packaging is actually fairly well done. It's colorful, and Usher (which unfortunately has no affiliation with the singer of the same name) bravely chose to include a transparent window so the candy could be seen in all its terrifying glory.
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| I'm, like, TOTALLY RAD, man! |
The Twisted Bongos mascot is a dog/weasel creature of some sort. He looks very familiar to me; perhaps he's related (second cousin or something) to another mascot somewhere? Regardless, he is crazed with his love for mangos!
His glasses and overbite in conjunction with his backwards cap indicate that he is a social outcast trying his best to be one of the "cool" kids (as if his unnatural love of mangos were not evidence enough). I pity him, really, which I don't believe is the vibe Usher was shooting for. Or maybe it is. Maybe they're counting on guilt purchases. It's just that sort of out-of-the-box thinking that would lead to chili mango licorice, after all.
The art style reminds me vaguely (and bizarrely) of The Very Hungry Caterpillar. I may be alone in the feeling, but I could totally see Eric Carle doing a book about Weazel Dawg (I'm assuming that's the name of the mascot, because what else could it be?).
But enough about Mr. Dawg. He has served as a distraction for much too long (well done, Usher!). Why don't we see what the Twisted Bongos are all about, shall we?
In his eagerness to get to the examination, TCR-FRESHY 5000 tore into the package before I could get proper photographs of it, so please excuse any unsightly rips; I will try to remember to dial down his enthusiasm setting in future reviews.
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| Sodium? What sodium? |
The Nutrition Facts panel shows that a serving size is four pieces, totaling about 86 Calories. That's not so bad. But the table also shows 240mg to be 0% of the recommended daily value (rather than a more accurate 10%). Are Mexicans immune to sodium, is it just a typo, or are Usher employees just sorely lacking basic math skills? It is alarming how often I come across errors like this in my sweets exploits. I'm starting to think "Nutrition Opinions" would be a more fitting name for such charts.
I was glad to see that the package included a nice, big "Best Before" date by the ingredients list, and that that date was far into the future:
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| If these ingredients were randomly selected, I would not be surprised. |
I do not, however, understand why the date was upside down or so carelessly placed. Too much tequila available in the Usher packaging plant?
I was almost shocked at how normal the ingredients list was. I don't know what I was expecting (lead, maybe?), but it was practically a disappointment to not see any disconcerting components (gelatinous mutant coconut comes to mind).
That being said, just because ingredients may sound innocent on their own does not mean I would necessarily consider combining them in a candy. Some pairings can be disastrous (take J.J. Abrams and lens flares, for instance), and I am really hoping that the creators of Twisted Bongos knew what they were doing here. I mean, the product must've gone through taste testing and everything, right? To be honest, I'm not holding my breath (my lung capacity is deplorable)...
One last note on the back of the package: between the recycling/anti-litter graphics and storage instructions, it says "THIS PACKAGE MAY NOY BE RECYCLABLE IN YOUR AREA." A small typo, perhaps, but TCR-FRESHY 5000 spotted it immediately. I'm just mentioning it in case Usher happens to see this and wants to correct it (along with the more glaring nutritional error) before starting production on a new batch of Twisted Bongos. You're welcome. Feel free to return the favor sometime.
As there is nothing more of interest on the package, it is time to proceed within and explore the intricacies of the chili mango Twisted Bongos (vicariously, of course).
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| Don't open that... NOOO! |
Upon removal of the outer wrapping, the candy gave off a familiar smell that I could not place; my wife suggested it smelled like her apple tea, and she may very well be right. I am personally not a big fan of tea, especially in my candy, so it did not bode well. I suppose it could have been a a chili/mango combo scent of sorts, but I'm sticking with my wife on this one.
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| Commencing extraction... |
At a glance, the licorice sticks resembled beef sticks. A closer inspection revealed a coating (or "frost," if you will) of crushed red pepper flakes. I didn't find the look to be all that appetizing for candy. But it wasn't the worst I've seen, by any means. Not at all.
TCR-FRESHY 5000s chemical sensors detected no objectionable material in the sticks, which was promising. Then again, I don't believe they have EVER detected objectionable material, so they may just not work properly. Oh, well. I suppose it wouldn't kill me to try one either way. Would it?
I am happy to say that no, it would not. And it did not (though it would've made this blog entry a lot more mysterious if it had).
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| TCR-FRESHY 5000 has such a flair for the dramatic. |
It was chewy and a little rubbery (as all licorice is) with a definite kick to it, and it wasn't nearly as horrible as one might expect. The ghastly ideas conjured up by my imagination were (mostly) unwarranted. The chili and mango flavors did not mix too well on my palate, but the mango flavoring itself was adequate (it was a tad more artificial-tasting than it should have been), and almost nice, even.
I believe my exact words to my wife were "I'm not hating it." But neither was I particularly liking it. I managed to eat two sticks (i.e., half a serving), but was satisfied with that and have no desire to take part in the Twisted Bongo experience again (sorry, Weazel Dawg). A little goes a long way.
But believe it or not, I would not call Usher's chili mango flavored Twisted Bongos a failure of a candy. I think it does have a place in the sweets world; I would, however, say that it is a niche product with a limited target audience (at least in the USA), of which I am not a part.
I therefore am rating the chili mango Twisted Bongos a 1. It was not my cup of tea (despite smelling like it), and it would take some extraneous circumstances to find me eating another one. If you are a heat fiend, you might disagree; you might even enjoy the unusual pairing. But I am not a heat fiend. I am a sweets fiend through and through, and this treat did nothing for me.
In short, if the thought of mango licorice covered in red pepper flakes does not appeal to you, don't worry that you're missing out. This candy is not for you.
Also, I do not recommend handing Usher Chili Mango Twisted Bongos out for Halloween, unless you want to be that house. Nobody wants to be that house.
Maybe give pennies instead. Those are always such a hit with kids.
Hoping for a hauntingly happy Halloween,
The Sweets Fiend
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| I could probably use some sun. |
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