- What is Colombia?
- Drugs (or drug lords)
- Coffee (which is technically the same as #2, caffeine being a drug and all)
For instance, while some might recognize a certain Colombian actress advertising (what else) a coffee maker, or a certain Colombian singer who has advertised teeth-whitening strips (I'm presuming to remove coffee stains), not many outside the ornithological world are aware that Colombia boasts a larger variety of birds than any other country (plus, the constant threat of assault/theft adds some much needed excitement to one's birding experience). And I would wager a guess that very few Americans (as in United States of America Americans, of course) have ever heard of Copetín, Colombia's popular and long-running comic strip that takes a lighthearted look at life as only a Colombian could.
Yes, Colombia is much more than drugs. In fact, recently Colombia has seen a marvelous increase in cacao production (which I know also contains caffeine, but I have to draw the line somewhere, and I choose to draw it at chocolate). Granted, in Colombia even growing cacao is enough to put your life in grave danger, but that only makes the efforts all the more admirable, and I am not one to let such determination go unrewarded.
Thus, I have decided that today's subject should be manufactured by none other than Colombia's own Compañía Nacional de Chocolates. But which chocolate treat to choose? Why, Jumbo Flow, of course!
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| I guess it sounds marginally better than "Colossal Discharge." |
Let me be the first (in this blog, anyhow) to say that "Jumbo Flow" is is a terrible name for a candy bar. Here's a free tip for all candy manufacturers out there: if the name you've chosen for your product could just as easily refer to a category of menstrual pads, you might want to rethink it (to further my point, one online thesaurus's list of synonyms for "flow" begins with the words "discharge," "flood," and "leakage," none of which is the least bit appetizing).
As it turns out, "Jumbo" is a brand of chocolate bars (my sample, at 48g, is by no means jumbo), and the "Flow" version happens to be a relatively new addition to the line. It still makes little sense to me. The only explanation I can come up with is that the creators were under duress when choosing the name (based on my extensive research on the country, I am willing to believe that any and/or all Colombians are under duress at any given point in time) and, in their rush to finish their project, unsuccessfully sought a word to epitomize their predicament.
Lousy name aside, the package design is decent. Not great, but decent. The color scheme is suitable and inviting, and the chocolate bar depiction is appealing, though strangely low resolution when compared to the rest of the graphics on the wrapper (and once I had noticed it, it became rather distracting). Overall, though, not a bad job.
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| What are you trying to tell (or sell) me, Jumbo Flow? |
I failed to find any sign of a "best by" date on the packaging, though there was some faded information in black on the dark brown background (so easy on the eyes). The date might've been in there somewhere, but if so, it was hidden extremely well. The closest I could find was a series of numbers ("16217," to be exact), which, if representing a date, indicates one that has passed long ago. Then again, the first match for "16217" in a Google search brings up a listing for a house in Cleveland, Ohio. Perhaps Jumbo sells advertising space on their products. I doubt it, but they make a chocolate bar called "Jumbo Flow," so they obviously think outside the box.
On to things I am sure of, however. The package contains the description: "Nougat with caramel and peanut, covered with chocolate flavor."
Yes, it says it is covered with chocolate flavor. Not chocolate, but chocolate flavor. I am hoping it is just a poor translation and does not mean that I am about to eat tofu flavored like "chocolate" or the like, because nougat, caramel, and peanut(s?) are right up my alley, and I'd be dreadfully disappointed if some wretched barrier lay between me and those mouth-watering components.
The ingredients list should clear that up, but tradition dictates I first discuss the nutritional information (conveniently hidden under the wrapper's back flap):
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| Nothing you haven't seen before, now in an even more tedious format! |
As it is, I'm not going to write much more about it anyhow, because there's not much to say. The stats are perfectly typical, comparable to, say, an everyday Snickers bar. So no surprises there. In fact, it is quite rare that I come across a candy that shocks me with its nutritional data. Sweets tend to be unhealthy with a consistency that spans all brands and cultures. But I will persist with the nutritional section of my reviews, just in case. Because I know the moment I stop will be the moment an anomaly crosses my path.
Oddly enough, the lack of nutrition shenanigans brought some relief to my concerns of the promised "chocolate flavor." Let's see if the list of ingredients further allays my worries:
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| Much more ado about nothing. |
Things were looking pretty good at this point, so I carefully tore open the wrapper...
Fortunately, the aroma that greeted me was not only pleasant, but familiar. It took a moment to place it, but the scent was very much reminiscent of a Baby Ruth, which is currently one of my go-to candies. Needless to say, I was thrilled. Despite its name, Jumbo Flow was seriously starting to look like a winner.
Well, perhaps "look" was a poor word choice. See, when I removed it from its coverage plastic (the wrapper; just thought I'd try to take a page out of the ingredients list's book) my Jumbo Flow was not exactly the belle of the ball.
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| She ain't pretty, but I ain't too... |
Caramel and nougat (and peanut(s?)) were bursting out with no regard for the chocolate covering (discharge and leakage indeed), cracking the bar on all sides. But, while it was perhaps not what I would call a thing of beauty, I've seen worse (oh, so much worse), and I was feeling optimistic that its flavor would be unhindered by its hideous outward appearance.
Right?
Right. And I am glad to say that my greatest expectations were exceeded!
One bite, and I was sold (unlike that house in East Cleveland (at least at the time of this writing)). The chocolate. The nougat. The caramel. The peanuts. It was all delightfully exquisite. And it tasted remarkably like a Baby Ruth, albeit with a thicker layer of nougat.
I loved every minute of consuming it.
Therefore, it is without hesitation that I rate the Compañía Nacional de Chocolates Jumbo Flow a well-deserved 4. It came into my life with the odds stacked against it but won me over with its fine texture and flavor. I have only wonderful memories of my brief time spent with it.
So well done, Colombia. I applaud the tenacity of your citizens as they face turmoil and uncertainty, and I commend the brave souls who put their lives at risk to bring sweet, sweet goodness to the world. You are true heroes.
I mean, no candy is really worth putting one's life at risk... but, if I'm being honest, the Jumbo Flow comes pretty close.
Flowing (though not leaking) with gratitude,
The Sweets Fiend
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| How could anyone say no to this? |
