So I guess it is sort of a horror story, depending on how you feel/felt about attending elementary school.
Regardless of your feelings, it marks a time of change. Children experience varying degrees of anxiety and excitement acclimating to new teachers and classmates. Parents shift from finding ways to keep their kids busy to dealing with ways someone else has come up with to keep said kids busy. Childless adults accumulate traffic tickets in long-forgotten school zones that seem to appear out of thin air.
In times of turmoil like these, it helps to be prepared. For children, that means acquiring the appropriate supplies: pencils, notebooks, glue sticks, folders, scissors, and whatnot (a whole lot of whatnot, in fact). Such items are invaluable for schoolwork, but I personally do not see any as possessing allure in terms of edibility (well, maybe the glue stick), and so I wouldn't expect candy manufacturers to turn to school supplies for inspiration (not to mention the general correlation between schoolwork and a lack of fun).
As is often the case, I would be wrong (and I should have known better; candy manufacturers will look ANYWHERE for inspiration), because today's review is all about Vimto Mini Fizzy Pencils!
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| Now that's a chain of words I never thought I'd see! |
In case you (like me) didn't know, Vimto is a British soft drink, created in 1908 (then called Vimtonic due to its promise of "vim & vigour;" it was even registered as a medicine) and currently sold internationally. Vimto Mini Fizzy Pencils, however, is a product of Turner's Confectionery (who apparently have never heard of a thing called the internet, as they have no web page), licensing the Vimto trademark for their own seemingly nonsensical purposes. Hopefully things will come together by the end of the review (but I wouldn't count on it).
Like the concept itself, the package design is confusing. The color scheme is inviting, and the print quality is excellent, but the mixture of fonts isn't quite successful, and the (four? why only four?) objects flying through space, which I presume are the candies, look less like mini fizzy pencils (or at least my idea of mini fizzy pencils) and more like relatives of the bizarre green Slinky-worm creature I encountered in pretty much every video/computer game I played in the 1980s (regardless of the genre; see here, or here). Again, I can't make sense of it. But the "20% EXTRA FREE" is appreciated, even if that means nothing to me (this being my first bag and all). I like getting free stuff (hence this blog).
The back of the bag describes the sweets as "Vimto flavoured fizzy sweets with a creamy centre. Made with the secret Vimto® flavour!" I'd have thought that the phrase "Vimto flavoured" would render the second sentence unnecessary, but clearly the folks at Turner's are not going to let their licensing deal go unnoticed. Gotta make the most of it, you know.
Of course, having never tasted Vimto before, their efforts are wasted on me.
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| I'm surprised they didn't utilize a portion of the white space to mention the "Vimto flavour." |
The "Best Before" section gives only the month, but also includes the batch number and mass of the product. I had slightly missed the date (woe is me!), but, as this review has been delayed in its release, it's not as bad as it seems, and I would certainly not expect my error to be enough to compromise the candy's quality.
Still, a little part of me dies inside every time I miss the "best before" date. It's just one more stain in my lifetime of shame.
Anyhow, the text is nice and clear, even if the surrounding box is a tad oversized (it reminds me of people who've lost a significant amount of weight and then pose in their "fat pants"). Or maybe it's intentional and meant to provide a small area for doodling, reinforcing the "pencil" theme (since the product appearance does nothing in that regard). I left mine blank, just in case.
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| So this is what "Vimto flavour" gets you... |
The nutritional information panel is displayed in a clean and large manner on the back of the package, making for an easy read (though again I am baffled by the font choice; what exactly are they going for here?). It's almost too large, actually, giving the impression that Turner's ran out of ways to remind the consumer of their licensing agreement with the Vimto brand.
It follows the European tradition of providing values based upon 100g rather than a recommended serving size, which allows for easy comparison between different products.
It is less convenient for calculating, say, the number of Calories in the entire bag, as 100g represents about 41.67% of the package (really, though, you just need to multiply by 2.4, which you can do in your head, right?).
Basically, the "mini fizzy pencils" seem to be composed mainly of sugar (yay!), with practically no fat content. In other words, it's precisely what one would expect from this sort of candy. Oh, and if you haven't figured it out yet, a full bag is about 900 Calories.
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| The first ingredient is all that really matters. |
The ingredients list confirms the product's abundance of sugar. It's by no means a short list, but it does not contain any startling entries, except perhaps the vague "Vimto Flavouring" (and although I understand its purpose, "beef gelatine" just sounds wrong here). And unless I'm mistaken, none of the ingredients would account for the "fizzy" in the treat's name. Or maybe I just don't know what "fizzy" means (or, for that matter, "pencils").
Notice also that Vimto Mini Fizzy Pencils are made with fruit juices (from concentrate). Fruits are healthy, right? So I'm going to believe the candy will be good for me. It's amazing how little one needs to delude oneself if one wants to believe enough.
Below the list of ingredients are instructions for proper storage. To the best of my knowledge, I followed them faithfully, but "cool" and "dry" are vague and relative terms, so I can't be certain. How cool is cool? How dry is dry? Are the guidelines intentionally ambiguous for legal reasons? I do not know the answers to any of these questions, but I do know that I did not store my Vimto Mini Fizzy Pencils outside in a pot of boiling water, so I'm fairly confident I've done my part.
Having thoroughly examined the exterior of the packaging, there was nothing left to do but tear it open and inspect the "mini fizzy pencils" inside.
Upon doing so, I was greeted by an aroma both familiar and new; there was the usual "bag of sugary candy" smell, but there was something more, a scent that I imagine can only be produced by "Vimto flavouring." The first whiff of a fresh bag of any sort of sweets tends to be a wee bit overpowering, and this was no exception. But my nose did not find it disagreeable, just strong, so things were looking up.
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| Mini? Yes. Fizzy pencil? No. |
The "pencils" displayed on the front of the bag proved to be accurate (except my samples did not fly through the air; maybe they were tired?), right down to the sugary coating (huzzah!). But seeing them in person caused me again to wonder how they ever came to be referred to as pencils. Was the name decided on before the product was developed, and the development team failed to rise to the challenge? Or did someone actually take a look at one of the flat, cream-filled tubes and think "That looks like a pencil!" Or maybe it was based on a drawing by the Turners' three-year-old (hypothetical; I know nothing about the Turners, due to their lack of a web presence) son/daughter?
There is so much about this product that leaves me perplexed. It is as if a teacher assigned a candy design team project at school and the students did not care for each other, so each ended up doing his or her own thing without discussing it with anyone else, and the resulting mess was manufactured by a company that was sitting on an unused licensing agreement with Vimto.
Or something like that.
Naturally, I wasn't sure what to expect from the taste. Fortunately, it was a very pleasant surprise (though it still confused me)! The consistency was spot on (the coating of sugar added a nice texture), and I detected hints of a bubble gum flavor (I suspect it was just the cream filling playing tricks on me?) along with a distinct fruitiness (mostly grape). I'm not exactly sure what "Vimto flavouring" is, but it sure makes those "pencils" addicting!
Now, I wouldn't say it's the best taste I've ever come across, but it's the sort that does not get tiresome, and that's a great quality in a candy (assuming one wants to eat a boatload of candy, which I'd say is a fair assumption). However, I found nothing "fizzy" about them, so only half of the name has any relevance to the actual product (assuming it does indeed contain "Vimto flavouring"). That is most definitely NOT a great quality in a candy.
All in all, though, I enjoyed Vimto Mini Fizzy Pencils a lot, even with its poorly-thought-out name (I mean, I've seen worse). My wife described them as a cross between Cow Tales and Twizzlers (both of which I like), which is sort of true, but there's something more to them. Something... I'm just going to mention the "secret Vimto® flavour" one last time here, because that must have something to do with it. I might need to check out some other Vimto-related products...
Thus, this offering from Turner's gets a wonderfully welcome 3. It might not top my list, but I could indeed see myself purchasing another bag if given the opportunity.
So, sorry for giving you such a hard time, Turner's; you've put out a fine product!
Maybe one day you'll discover the internet and be able to accept my apology.
Waiting in eager anticipation,
The Sweets Fiend
