The world is a big place with a seemingly endless number of details, many of which are as interesting (if not more so) than the "big picture" (whatever that might be at the time).
I'd probably travel more often if it weren't quite so costly (or if I had more money; either would suffice). It's not that I have expensive tastes; my wife and I pride ourselves on finding too-good-to-be-true deals on hotels/motels. One never knows what one might find when scraping the bottom of the lodging barrel. Questions abound! For instance, what type of bug will the place be infested with (it is always amusing to see how the manager will try to make light of the situation)? When the large sign outside declares "COLOR TV," what colors are included (if you assume "all of them," I envy your naivety). If temperatures are sub-zero outdoors, will the heat (or, for that matter, hallway lights) be on? Will the parking lot contain a pile of dead animals? How many on-duty police cars can one expect to find upon arrival?
It has been my experience that the lower one's budget is, the less certain the answers to these questions become. Life is an adventure!
So, while I wouldn't exactly compare myself to Sir Francis Drake (I, too, did die of dysentery once, but that was obviously while playing The Oregon Trail), I feel I meet the minimum requirements to be considered a traveler. Therefore, I should be qualified to fairly review today's candy selection: The Ginger People's Super Strength Gin Gins!
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| The longer I look at this, the more it troubles me. |
Who are these Ginger People? No, it is not a coalition of redheads, it is"the world’s most award-winning ginger brand." I guess that's something to be proud of; who knew there were awards for ginger brands? Are they televised? They should be. The world deserves to be kept up to date with the latest accomplishments in ginger. Maybe it could be a "Hulu Original." It'd have to be better than some of what they're cranking out presently.
Anyway, award-winning or not, I'm not particularly fond of ginger. Ginger snaps are one of my least favorite types of cookies. Likewise, ginger ale is one of my least favorite carbonated beverages. In other words, ginger candy is not exactly appealing to me. I hope Super Strength Gin Gins will be an exception to the rule.
The package gives me mixed emotions. While the chosen color palette is pleasing, The Ginger People have made the fatal mistake of believing ginger root would provide the base for a successful mascot/character.
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| "I'm off to die a slow and painful death!" |
I usually prefer to not think about diseases while eating, so the Gin Gins have made a less-than-ideal impression on me. It could always be worse, though. It could have been a box of Original Gin Gins, upon which the hapless fellow lies naked, enjoying some unidentifiable chewy substance while completely oblivious to the tumors and other varied symptoms of the abominable malady that is sure to bring his miserable life to an untimely end.
Honestly, if the image were used in an anti-Gin Gins campaign, I don't think a single change would be needed. It is much like the anti-smoking ads showing those who have suffered terrible effects at the cruel hands of tobacco.
It was enough to make me fear for my well-being. And, as fate would have it, TCR-FRESHY 5000 was out of town on other business, so I was on my own.
Nobody ever said eating candy was going to be easy. It has been implied that taking candy from a baby would be easy, but that's an entirely different subject, so I will waste no more keystrokes on it (except for this).
Anyhow, at least the Super Strength Gin Gin guy looks friendlier. One might even think he does indeed have heroic tendencies, until one notices the suitcase and the large "The Traveler's Candy" text over his shoulder. That's right, he is not rushing to anyone's aid; he is using his superpowers to go on vacation (which explains his smile), most likely a nudist camp where he will take it easy and chew who-knows-what while wasting away.
So, the Super Strength Gin Gins have a very specific target market in mind: people who travel. This might seem an odd choice, except that ginger has long been touted as a remedy for motion sickness/seasickness (among other things; just not for whatever Mr. Gin Gin has, unfortunately). Scientific studies have not been able to prove conclusively one way or the other, but I suppose it's worth a shot if motion-induced nausea is a problem for you.
The Ginger People make good use of the box real estate. One edge contains contact information, which is always handy. Another has storage instructions and lets the consumer know that Gin Gins are produced in Indonesia. To my recollection, I have never tried candy made in Indonesia before; however it is dangerously close to the Philippines, which was home to the worst candy I've yet reviewed. TCR-FRESHY 5000, where are you when I need you?
Still another edge provides both the date of production and the "best before" date, complete with pictures of various forms of transportation and a pledge of soothingness (it's a word; look it up!):
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| This is just a small sampling of where you can (maybe) enjoy Super Strength Gin-Gins! |
As you can see, Gin Gins have an average lifespan of two years. This is most likely due to whatever wretched disease afflicts them all. Eating them is practically an act of mercy.
I would like to point out that the French text translates to something like (my French is a little rusty) "Alleviates travel sickness!" Nowhere does the package mention sickness of any kind in English. It causes me to question The Ginger People's confidence in the mystical powers of ginger, as well as what it means regarding their feelings toward the French. Do they think French consumers would require more convincing or that they're less likely to sue (any non-American is less likely to sue, really)?
Moving on... The back of the box is the main data center. Not only are the nutritional facts found there, but also the ingredients list (including allergy advice) and several bullet points of additional tidbits:
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| Much ado about (almost) nothing. |
There really isn't a whole lot to Gin Gins despite the fact that they're "Stimulating & Delicious" (which is not how I would often describe candy, especially a "soothing" one). The number of zeroes in the nutrition facts panel is staggering! Considering this, I would think The Ginger People could cast a wider net with their marketing; why limit a product to travelers when there is so little to it that it might lure customers from all walks (a non-vehicular form of travel) of life? It makes sense to me, but perhaps The Ginger People know better. After all, I have yet to win any awards for a ginger product (maybe I should add that to my bucket list). But unless you have problems with soy, milk, or peanuts, Gin Gins are probably okay for you to eat (infectious diseases aside).
Opening the box revealed a nice surprise; each Gin Gins candy is individually wrapped!
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| Prepare to be stimulated! And soothed! |
Outside of its little wrapper, each Gin Gins candy is a caramel-colored disc, about the size of a typical hard candy disc, which shows signs of having been assembled from multiple pieces. It seems like an awful lot of effort for such a small, simple candy, and I respect The Ginger People (or, more specifically, the Indonesians) more for it.
As I popped one of the discs into my mouth, I half-expected my life to flash before my eyes, but my worries were unfounded; as of this writing, I have not exhibited any signs of a deadly illness! Huzzah! Furthermore, the Gin Gins even tasted okay! The candy had a hard chew to it, and its taste strongly reminded me of a ginger snap (my wife and her friend disagreed as they spit theirs in the trash). It had much more of a spicy kick than a typical ginger snap, which compounds with each additional candy eaten, but it wasn't the least bit unbearable.
Therefore, if you love the taste of ginger and don't mind a little heat (the latter may be implied by the former), get yourself a box of Gin Gins. You might just like them.
But, though they were better than I'd have thought, ginger still isn't my thing, and so I cannot help but rate The Ginger People Super Strength Gin Gins a 2. If someone were to offer me another one, I'd probably accept it, but I do not foresee myself having any sort of long-term relationship with the unfortunate people of the Gin Gin world.
Still, I do wish them the best of luck in finding a cure for whatever it is that ails them so. Perhaps if we all work together with a belief as strong as ginger, we can make it happen!
So farewell for now, Gin Gin folk, and safe travels! Make the most of your two years on this planet!
I'll be over here, at a contagion-free distance, eating better candy.
Thoroughly soothed and stimulated,
The Sweets Fiend
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| It almost looks like medicine, which is rather telling... |
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