Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
Sugar is sweet,
And so are you.
While I'm all for mentioning sugar in poetry, the poem is a failure on many levels. For one thing, the first half has no bearing at all on the second half. It's as if the author lost his train of thought in the middle of the poem. For another, I'm pretty sure violets tend to be violet, hence the name; it's just not so easy to rhyme with "violet," which makes me wonder why the author chose violets to begin with. I'm guessing he began the sentence without considering the end and realized too late that "violet" has no rhyme. It brings me back to my childhood, when I would try to create a comic strip and draw the word bubbles without taking into account the text that would need to fit within them. I would find myself in a situation I think we have all been in at one time or another (perhaps metaphorically), where the writing would need to become smaller and smaller as it approached the impending edge of the bubble (some people continue outside the edge, but that just makes things worse). It seems my characters had the tendency to trail off as they talked...
Anyhow, as I've written a poem or two in my lifetime, I figured I'd try my hand at constructing a poem with similar sensibilities to the one above. So here goes:
Apples are red,
Oranges are orange,
Candy is good,
Oops, I can't make this rhyme.
Wow, I guess it's more difficult than I thought to account for the end of a poem like this. I mean, it involves thinking ahead TWO WHOLE LINES, and who has time for that?
But speaking of things with the word "violet" in them that seem to lack focus and have not been thought out too well, today's candy is the one and only Violet Crumble by Nestlé:
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| Everything you see here is essentially a lie. |
I have tried several Nestlé products at this point with various levels of enjoyment, but, to the best of my knowledge, this would be the first hailing from the Land Down Under. Australia is known for unique animals, like the vicious koala, the wacky (and venomous) platypus, and the mischievous kangaroo, just to name a few. Therefore, I'm hoping for a unique experience here. However, Australia is also known for Vegemite, which I don't think anyone outside of Australians is capable of comprehending. So this could go either way.
I think everyone's initial thought upon seeing the Violet Crumble package is this: "Violent Crumble" would be a much cooler name. While that is naturally true, it may not be accurate; maybe the candy is made of violet powder or something? I don't know. I prefer flour to flower, but I will give it a chance.
A quick look on the edge of the package reveals the slogan "It's the way it shatters that matters." Kudos for rhyming, Nestlé, but shattering and crumbling are two very different things, so I'm a little confused by the slogan. I would also have to disagree with the general sentiment, because, call me old-fashioned, but I believe taste matters as much as shatterability (I'm thinking of trademarking that word). To further confuse the issue (and consumer), the product is described as "Delicious shattering choc covered honeycomb." Yes, "Violet Crumble" explains that with foolproof clarity. I think maybe the name was chosen before the candy bar was created and they just stuck with it. The not-very-appetizing artist's rendition of the bar looks like it may have a slight violet tint to it, so it's possible that's where the name comes from, but for now, I'm assuming it is just another poor packaging job by Nestlé. I've often criticized the lack of effort put into Nestlé's packaging and am afraid this is just one more unfortunate casualty (as opposed to a fortunate casualty, of course).
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| Not quite 24601, but it'll do. |
Thankfully, I've just made the "best before" date. There are actually two strings of numbers in the section. I guess one is in a unique Australian dating system or something. Or it could be the prison number of the convict who packaged the candy. After all, Australia is also known for its convicts (which may or may not have been a factor in Hugh Jackman being selected for the part of Jean Valjean).
Regardless of their meaning, I doubt the extra numbers are any cause for concern, so I will (like the aforementioned poet) forget what I was talking about before continuing on to the next line.
By the way, did you know that sugar is sweet?
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| Don't let the box on the left distract you from the bright and shiny red one! |
The nutritional information is pretty normal, except that Australia has decided to measure the energy content in kilojoules rather than kilocalories. This means an American consumer must divide by 4.184 (or 4, if you're lazy) to get the Calorie count, so the Violet Crumble is about 237 Calories. That's not half bad, given the size of the bar. However, the protein total is surprisingly low, even for a candy bar.
To the right of the nutritonal panel is a "life's all about balance" motto with Nestlé's creed regarding a healthy lifestyle, which could be summed up with "You should not be eating this candy bar." I'm glad to hear that Nestlé is willing to believe what is so obviously true. I would be very concerned indeed if Nestlé believed that sitting on a couch all day eating junk food was the way to perfect health (though how I wish that were the case).
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| Déjà vu all over again! |
Under the flap, the wrapper contains an additional, though more concise, nutritional chart. I guess it's a nice touch for consumers who are too busy to look at an entire chart with columns and all. It's like the CliffsNotes of nutrition!
The ingredients list can be found to the right of the Nestlé manifesto:
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| Is the glucose syrup in my bar derived from wheat or corn? Nobody knows. |
I can find nothing frightening in the ingredients list, which is always a positive sign. The Violet Crumble is 99% compounded chocolate and honeycomb, which fits the description nicely. It may also contain trace amounts of peanuts and tree nuts. That's right, the Violet Crumble is more likely to contain peanuts than anything related to the word "violet." I defy anyone to look at the list of ingredients and explain how the name "Violet Crumble" could be derived from them. Like rhyming with "orange," it simply cannot be done.
Below the ingredients list is contact information for consumer services. I would bet the majority of their time is spent attempting to answer questions about the name of the product.
But the packaging doesn't really matter so much; the important thing is how it shatters, right? To be honest, I wasn't very interested in shattering the Violet Crumble, nor did I know whether or not shattering was meant to be done before unwrapping the bar (as no instructions were included), so I just opened it up and...
Well, Nestlé has surprised me in the past upon opening one of their products, but never before have I been so baffled and disturbed by a candy bar. I don't know if the look was intentional or I just received a defective bar, but it did not look right to me. To be frank, I do not find the design to be appropriate for all ages (or any age, for that matter), and as this is not that kind of blog, I will leave it at that and move along...
I do have to say it oddly smelled better than most Nestlé products I've come across. I guess that's something.
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| This is called a Violet Crumble. No, really. |
Unlike the artwork on the front of the package, there was no hint of a non-chocolate tint to the candy. In fact, there is still no sign at all as to how the name has any relation whatsoever to the candy bar, which makes me wonder if the name were conceived in a game of Apples to Apples.
A quick internet search finally puts the mystery to rest, revealing that the "violet" in the name refers to the favorite flower of the candy bar creator's wife. Well, that makes plenty of sense, then. Additionally, the search reveals that the original slogan was "Nothing else matters," which is a very sobering thought (I think Metallica did a song about the Violet Crumble a while back). I am grateful for the slogan change, as I do not think I would want to live in a world where the only thing that matters is the Violet Crumble.
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| That's the way the violet crumbles... |
I tried breaking the bar in half to see how it shattered and was surprised how cleanly it broke. I expected dangerously pointy shards to take flight in all sorts of directions (potentially at my face; I was taking a big risk), but there was very little shattering going on. It did give me a decent look at the honeycomb within.
To be fair, whacking the bar against a hard surface would likely exhibit the shattering properties more accurately, but I was in no mood to make such a mess while hungry for some candy.
And there was, in fact, a cross between a crumbling and shattering effect as I bit into the Violet Crumble. I was rather impressed by that, given how low my expectations had gotten. It wasn't an entirely welcome surprise, however; it brought to mind the last time I went on a bicycle ride and the brakes fell apart while I pedaled. I prefer my treats not try to escape while I'm eating them. Just one of my quirks, I guess.
Despite the claims, that didn't matter to me much. As I said before, it was the taste I cared about, and sadly, I was not wowed by the Violet Crumble. It was just... okay at best. I've had competing products before, and all were better (in my opinion, anyway) than Nestlé's attempt. My wife did not care for it at all.
It had chocolate. It had honeycomb. It shattered/crumbled. But I was underwhelmed in all it had to offer.
Still, I do think I might eat one again if I were in the mood for a sweet and one was offered to me with no better alternatives. Thus, I rate the Nestlé Violet Crumble a disappointed 2.
I feel like a broken record saying this, but I think Nestlé needs to up their game. Too often have I found their candy to be flirting with mediocrity rather than smashing it in a violent crumble (see what I did there?). There's a lot of potential to the company, though, and I wait eagerly for the day Nestlé will shock me with greatness. It could happen!
So, Nestlé, if you're listening, I still believe in you. Really I do.
Just not in the way that you believe proper nutrition and physical activity combined with positive lifestyle choices are important in maintaining good health.
With wishes as sweet as sugar,
The Sweets Fiend
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| You've never seen such shattering! |
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